Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of Airborne

Since I’m barely breathing out of one nostril and almost everyone I know is sneezing, coughing, or in recovery, I thought it might be fun to dig a little deeper into some facts about the common cold.

Instead, googling ‘interesting cold facts’ took me straight to the interesting gold, goldfish, and golf facts page, without one single sniff in the direction of colds. I took it as a sign to learn a few factoids, and here are the most interesting discoveries I made:

1. The largest gold nugget ever found weighed 195 pounds.
2. The goldfish is the most popular fish in the world (actually, in the ‘word’ according to the authoritative source I was using).
3. Eight-five percent of golfers slice the ball (is that really the best golfers can do?).

Then I looked up ‘funny common cold facts’ and found these hilarious bits:

1. My friends and I are most contagious on days 2-4.
2. I really should be feeding a cold and starving a fever, according to Duke U. experts.
3. The symptoms of inhalation anthrax can mimic the common cold, according to the CDC. Really.

If these are the funny facts, someone needs to check the definition of funny, which according to Merriam-Webster is ‘affording light mirth and laughter.’ I’m still not laughing, but the synonym ‘chucklesome’ is pretty darn hilarious.